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Thread: The Streets

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    St. Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    352

    Default

    I write for the little bitches and bastards alive.

    Who aren’t really bad, they just trying to get by.

    Left by the first people who should have stuck around.

    The parents who abused the heart without making a sound.

    These children struggle every day trying to survive.

    They do what they must with guns and knives.

    It doesn’t matter to them who they hurt, they were not taught.

    Alone they were left in cold so they fought.

    For that little piece of salvation they know they deserve.

    That those fucked up parents deprived them at birth.

    They find that salvation in the brothers and sisters they pass.

    They stick togeather just so they last.

    They love and hate so intensely it hurts.

    Wearing their pride on the sleeves of their shirts.

    They are willing to give their life for their friends.

    Or even to bring their enemies life to an end.

    With a simple pull of a trigger it’s done.

    Don’t even flinch from the boom of the gun.

    Solid they stand togeather they fall.

    If one dies so must all.

    With each brother or sister they lose.

    Their heart takes a beating its scarred and bruised.

    They feel the only way to heal the pain.

    Is to take some other brother or sister in vain.

    Who only needed their parents to care.

    Making their losses easier to bare.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Iowa
    Posts
    1,321

    Default

    Not being mean, i seriously love your style, but you got some issues. lol Don't worry cuz i prolly have more than you, but great wording on this man, i like it...has so much fucking emotion it rocks.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    St. Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    352

    Default

    HAHA man thx. but i know i have issues and i am proud of all of them..

    but thx for your comment man

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Sweden, Stockholm
    Posts
    185

    Default

    i really like it although i think thats its a bit rough in the sense that some lines have too many syllables while most have about the same. might wanna check that out but other than that its really good. its great so read something thats (no offence to anyone who writes these) not "my life is meaningless, i hate myself" or "why did she leave me?" gj really gj

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    St. Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    352

    Default

    Thx Hem...i am know some lines are a bit to long and all that....but im not gonna change it.....i dont want to risk ruining it....and i write these and the "my life is meaningless, i hate myself" and "why did she leave me" but i dont write them for me.............i write to write.........no other reason. so my poems arent as strong as people think......i mean to me all they are is good wording......a few good rhymes now and again........but anyway im babblin............but thx for the comment man

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Sweden, Stockholm
    Posts
    185

    Default

    i'm glad that u understand what i meant with the "i hate myself" thing... and i agree, emotions on paper (or computerscreen O,o) isn't the same thing as well formulated words since your emothions can only be explained in one way and if u change it its not the same thing or even destroyed. Good writing is very different because u can change the mood and it wont be a "wrongfully interperated emotion".
    i dont have anything against people who write how they feel, but seriously... there are too many people doing that so it gets kindof dull.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Fort Wayne, Indiana
    Posts
    7,057

    Default

    Lets get on topic guys.

    I like it alot man. I think it could be a good rap song if it was changed some. Thats why i called "the streets".

    Good work man.

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    By Samuel in forum Digital Art
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