sleep

[ilovecoheed]

Sleep
-----------
The subconcious realm in which my mind resides.
The sweet thoughts and dreams to which i oblige.

The seemingly endless array of fiction that crosses my mind.
The thoughts and wishes i crave, here, so easy to find

Swimming in a stream of the unknown,
In a world which no man of any stature can own.

When i awake sometimes i feel as if i may weep.
Farewell my beloved world,
This world, mine to keep.


Something about this just doesn't seem right but here's the first maybe only draft of it, I hope someone enjoy's it.

[Samuel]

Trust me, using proper spelling, and function will look, and make your poem feel alot better. So reformat it, and use spellcheck =)

Really good poem mate.

[Hitman]

Yes amen i love sleep sleep is good spell check should make it look better good job

[ilovecoheed]

There, i fixed it.

I changed the ending and it feels much better, What do you guys think of it now?

[xane]

Nice

[Samuel]

MUCH better. I told you, adding some format, makes it feel much better. Good work mate.

[ilovecoheed]

Thank you for the C & C people!

[Roy]

Nice. It sounds really good, but I feel that I'm waiting for a little something more at the end. I'm not sure what that is, but I'll think it over and get back to you on it.

[Deadloader]

I love this, man .. truly introspective and sweet ... you're a great artist in all aspects.. (if you can sing and dance then yeah .. get boogying )

<3 nice work keep it up