Headlines from 2032

[food]

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Submit your own!

[Dale]

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.


I loved that one!

[SgtSwabs]

The Neo-Nazis have regained control of europe and is in a terrible conflict between the newly founded League Of Nations. (by the way.......ITS WITH LASERS&#33

[Ben]

Ben finds new planet and names it 'Porn World', max age for sex is 30

[SgtSwabs]

George Z. Bush is being tested by american scientists because he is the closest thing to our ape ancestors alive today.

[Ben]

Multi Billionaire Ben Dover (i changed my name) has just officially bought the last company in the world, he knows owns the whole world

[Deadloader]

deadloader being the genius he is, created a pill which allows you to stay awake for a whole week without sleep and without the effects of sleep deprivation.. then creates a drug called "paraceta-aimbot" which he uses to pwn on games.. and he detroys earth and everything in the universe. then becomes god...

[carrotderek]

FORFOl longest headline in the world Stu.

"Screw them!": Prime Minister Derek Szeto refuses to help French; caught in sex scandal.

[Kidd]

The avereage computer has the power equivlant of all humanity...in later news a giant computer is bent on world destruction...

[Adam]

20 some years in the future is too short of a time for something drastic to change.

my headlines...

US still in Iraq
Gas prices too high
No major alternative fuel yet.