The Mist - short story

[cC.ShorterGFX]

I wrote this for a English assessment at school. Tell me what yout think.

Story
One of the world’s most common fears is growing old. People think that only death and illness awaits them, looking only at the bad in their future. Not realising that there’s so much more...

The street lamps were flickering between yellow and black; while his surrounding was nearing its daily darkness in the mist. His dripping head was focused on the overlapping pave stones as he limped down the flashing bank; thinking about putting an end to his shameful life. The desertedness of the street caused him to pass through reminiscence of previous memories through his voluminous head. The blur of his tears masked the vision of his blood shot eyes, creating an unclear image of the abstruse figures in front of him.
“Who - who are you?” He mumbled behind his collar as his already rain-soaked sleeve tried to dry his eyes.
“Do I know them?” He questioned himself in deep thought.
At this point, all eyes were on him which was all that was noticeable of the figures due to darkness. They looked like ghostly orbs floating toward looking for some answers. Or maybe, just maybe, give him a few.

He grew nearer the figures. His steps stuttering in haste. Should he really be confronting the mystery ahead of him? The bodies were becoming clearer; weaving in between the flickering street lamps. The footsteps were becoming louder; adding onto the sound of the shattered pieces of pavement being kicked around. Then silence. The figures had finally arrived at the head of his shadow. Sweat started to drip at either side of his crooked old nose. His face had become blood red, as if a high school stage fright were repeating itself. His mouth opened slightly; Shivering with a steamy frost coming out every so often from the chill.
“Wh - who are you” He stuttered in regret.
“TELL ME!”
His eyes filled up again as he roared at his unknown company. One of the figures stepped forward; right under a bright street lamp. Stepping back in terror, his eyes widened. The figure was male. Old with light brown neatly combed hair. His pale pink skin had a sort of grainy texture. The clothes he wore were of old fashion. A dark brown tuxedo with cream elbow pads. Now everything was becoming recognisable. The figure looked familiar, but not enough for him to quite put his finger on it. Who was it? Maybe an old friend? An old co-worker perhaps? His eyes were almost squinting while his head sluggishly slid from his shoulders, peaking in for a closer look. He then suddenly trembled backwards; gazing the figure in his familiar piercing eyes. His mouth opened like a vortex getting ready to suck in the pain awaited. He knew. He knew exactly who he was.

“Wh - what are you doing here?”
The figure smiled and looked down while he observed his right jacket pocket. Eventually, he lifted out what seemed to be a piece of folded paper. His muscular arm slowly reached out to drop it into an already welcoming hand. His eyes glanced between the figure and the folded paper. He cautiously unravelled the paper with his eyes still locked on the figure. On the paper, was an old black and white photograph taken of which looked like a family. There were five overly happy looking figures. A middle aged female wearing a red flowery dress with two identical female children weaved around her thinly tanned arms. The twins both wore blue dresses with an abstracted pattern on. On the right of them stood a teenage boy who had wore casual jeans and a red t-shirt but also wore the purist smile. The man got a sudden vibration throughout his shivering body. And a slight feeling of da ja vu. The teenage boy was being gently lifted into the air by what seemed to be his father. Middle aged with light brown neatly combed hair. He had a pale pink tint to his skin and wore a brown tuxedo with cream elbow pads...
His arms stretched out to give his father a hug for the first time in decades. While his hairy chin rested on his fathers shoulders, he gradually opened his eyes to see the rest of his forgotten family still standing within the flickering lights. After greeting them, they all stood on a distorted curb and held hands; slowly walking down the road. Yet again weaving between the flickering street lamps, only to vanish. Into the mist...

[Misery]

I liked it, you were very precise and very specific and descriptive.

Did you get good marks for that?

I don't know why people fear death so much, they need to learn that it's there for a reason and it happens.

They should focus on what they must accomplish, not what they can't reverse.

Death is inevitable.

Nothing stays the same, and if all us humans finally realize that, this world will be a better place.

[Genisphere]

great short story enjoyed your detailed description as you told the story and how you worked up the suspense to the final conclusion of what was really happening there was one sentence that i can point out that i think could be worded better:

"He grew nearer the figures. His steps stuttering in haste. Should he really be confronting the mystery ahead of him?"

nice job would like to see more from you i hope you got good marks on this k.i.u.

[cC.ShorterGFX]

Thanks guys, i just found out my results for this piece last week and i got an A towards my final grade