ghost of you

[ilovecoheed]

Here is another 'on the spot' poem, might suck

----------------------
"The ghost of you"

A picture of you,
and all I see,
is the empty shell
of what used to be.

Those days when we
would laugh and play,
and wished it to never
go away.

I was childish think we could have what we used to.
After all, i stand here, alone and still,
while you're so far away,
an empty space,
I'll never fill.


C & C welcome

[Samuel]

I would say use proper form. Like periods and capitals. But the words are amazing. Good meaning and depth. What was your inspiration?

[ilovecoheed]

EDIT'D. Well I dunno exactly what I was thinking I guess I was thinking when you move to somewhere new and you lose most of your old friends. My dad was in the military so i went through mosing alot and losing alot of old friends.

[Samuel]

Cool man. good poem

[ilovecoheed]

Thanx, for some reason my on the spot poems are always better than my pre-meditated ones

[Psypher]

Originally posted by ilovecoheed@A Minute Ago
Yeah I'll edit that. Well I dunno exactly what I was thinking I guess I was thinking when you move to somewhere new and you lose most of your old friends. My dad was in the military so i went through mosing alot and losing alot of old friends.

[snapback]83811[/snapback]

Dude, I understand how you feel, we moved like every 4 years and I would lose friends, keep some (only the great, great ones), make new friends, then lose them again.

I moved here (East Texas) in the beginning of this year, had no friends (made friends, most are seniors and now graduates ...), and I guess I'll have to regurgitate this process again (I usually find people around my age too imature, and rebellish - I notice that most of my friends are Seniors and Juniors).

I've made some really awesome friends here where I live now. But for the first half of the semester I was depressed; I didn't show it, but some noticed of it. Add to the fact that we didn't have any phone service or internet (we finally found a form of 'broadband' because we using dialup was the _last_ resort we had in mind, which was satellite internet and costed us a lot of money for the satellite and the service...), and to live in the country miles away from city, I felt secluded and lost.

But I got over it, and my dad's retiring soon, so we won't be moving for a long while. It really does suck having to move every 4-5 years, each move gets harder; harder to make friends, harder to keep in touch with your best buds, and shit like that.

I think the poem, with a few touch ups, is beautiful. I know I can relate to that, thanks.

[ilovecoheed]

Thanx alot, i plan on touching it up because that was just a 'first thing to pop into mind rough draft'. We moved about every 4 years also. I live out in the middle of nowhere also, and im almost the only punkrocker in my preppy/jock school so, it really does blow here. Wow writing poems isn't as hard as i thought...i should do this more often

[Dick]

i like this one a lot i love that :

" After all, i stand here, alone and still,
while you're so far away, an empty space, I'll never fill. "




Grat work if u will get this on DA im going to +fav

[katgirl21]

I love it!

Its very rare that you see a poem of that class of beauty and meaning

It reminds me of my old best friend from my old school, i havent had any contact with her since the last day of school the year before i changed schools

----------------------------

I think this would be a better way to arrange the lines and stanzas, just my opinion though, you dont have to do it:


A picture of you,
and all I see,
is the empty shell
of what used to be.

Those days when we
would laugh and play,
and wished it to never
go away.

I was childish think we could have what we used to.
After all, i stand here, alone and still,
while you're so far away,
an empty space,
I'll never fill.

[ilovecoheed]

awesome, I think I'm gunna go make a DA account right now, btw kat thanks i'll edit it.

ilovecoheed is my acct name