Sleep
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The subconcious realm in which my mind resides.
The sweet thoughts and dreams to which i oblige.
The seemingly endless array of fiction that crosses my mind.
The thoughts and wishes i crave, here, so easy to find
Swimming in a stream of the unknown,
In a world which no man of any stature can own.
When i awake sometimes i feel as if i may weep.
Farewell my beloved world,
This world, mine to keep.
Something about this just doesn't seem right but here's the first maybe only draft of it, I hope someone enjoy's it.
10-08-2005, 08:41 AM
Samuel
Trust me, using proper spelling, and function will look, and make your poem feel alot better. So reformat it, and use spellcheck =)
Really good poem mate.
10-08-2005, 10:01 AM
Hitman
Yes amen i love sleep sleep is good :) spell check should make it look better good job
10-08-2005, 05:38 PM
ilovecoheed
There, i fixed it.
I changed the ending and it feels much better, What do you guys think of it now?
10-08-2005, 06:03 PM
xane
Nice :)
10-09-2005, 12:31 PM
Samuel
MUCH better. I told you, adding some format, makes it feel much better. Good work mate.
10-09-2005, 07:47 PM
ilovecoheed
Thank you for the C & C people!
11-08-2005, 08:25 AM
Roy
Nice. It sounds really good, but I feel that I'm waiting for a little something more at the end. I'm not sure what that is, but I'll think it over and get back to you on it.
11-08-2005, 08:40 AM
Deadloader
I love this, man .. truly introspective and sweet ... you're a great artist in all aspects.. (if you can sing and dance then yeah .. get boogying ;) )
