What could make this feeling, what could make me plete?
The sky is turning a fiery red blood color!
How could this affect my one and only mother?
Forever young, forever healthy.
How could this be my philosophy?
The tide is turning, yet again, for another bend.
The time is nearing, for yet another end?
The forecast is bright and full of life.
Now will my life be free from strife?
03-17-2009, 03:14 PM
Papa
nice samuel, though i do think at the fiery red blood color, its a bit much with he adjectives, but then again i suck at poetry!
03-17-2009, 07:15 PM
Shuggy
Wow Samuel nice poem you got there.
03-18-2009, 01:19 AM
Samuel
Thanks. =)
03-18-2009, 01:21 AM
DoubleForte
Commented in Chatbox when you premiered it, but I'll say it again. Amazing work.
03-21-2009, 03:38 PM
MarkPancake
I'm not a poetic kinda guy but to me it seems awesome. Same nitpick as Papa, but otherwise good job man ;)
03-21-2009, 04:32 PM
Miril
Good work, a few little things I noticed:
"The ground is quacking at my feet." quacking - duck, quaking - earthquake (I don't know if you meant one or the other, just pointing it out in case.)
"The sky is turning a fiery red blood color!" as this is it seems a bit awkward, you could fix it with changing 'fiery red blood color' to 'fiery blood red color.'
"The tide is turning, yet again, for another bend.
The time is nearing, for yet another end?"
^ this seems awkward to me, maybe eliminate 'yet again' to make it flow, this is just me being picky - all my opinion :P also the 'for yet another end?' imo could use an 'is it' right after the comma... that's, again, my opinion :o