new

Text kills it...as always :D

http://img27.imageshack.us/img27/6212/japmwe.jpg

not bad. text isn't that bad. just get rid of that yellow "beauty" text and will look a lot better.

border is out.

erase some of the c4ds over the focal. nice effects tho.

nice effects and c4d take the stroke off the text though :D

A bit "less" text and this would be great!
Loving the use of C4D's, they complement the focal. :D
And the effects aren't bad either.
I want to see a little more depth however, try sharpening the render slightly and blurring the background a tiny bit. :D

will do, appreciate the cnc guys.