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http://i48.tinypic.com/jtvtxz.jpg
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Very consistant with your style. The text kills it for me I am sorry to say.
Remove the text and you'd be golden. Your strong lighting and strong sharpened style is something I for sure dig. So yea, tweak the text :)
Yea, i had no idea what to do for the text on this one. I'm hoping to get alot better at it D: