tearz

Interesting concept, but you need to work on your execution.

It seems to be like a graffiti type of concept, therefore pentooling would be something that would contribute to the success of this piece.

Right now it seems very flat, boring and the colors are extremely dull.
Try pentooling to execute your graffiti concept better and if you're going to slap on text at the end of your piece, don't bother adding it.

Unless, you're trying to go for a graffiti on a brick wall type of look, therefore involving mainly typography, I would suggest you not adding a render seeing as it will be difficult to blend in and will not look appealing.

Read some tutorials on graffiti art if you're willing to continue this piece.
Keep it up.