Shadows of Sadness

[Wrote this last night while listening to a slow, acoustic 4 beat track]

As tears run down,
across my face,
I feel my heart,
move out of place.

The sky's all grey,
it knows my pain,
far from this world,
it turns insane.

As memories fade,
much like my dreams,
I feel these scars,
within my seams.

It feels so cold,
there's no one here,
I'm not alone,
but that's my fear.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nutter

[Wrote this last night while listening to a slow, acoustic 4 beat track]

As tears run down,
across my face,
I feel my heart,
move out of place.

The sky's all grey,
it knows my pain,
far from this world,
it just turns insane.

As the memories fade,
much like my dreams,
I feel these scars,
within my seams.

It feels so cold,
there's no one here,
I'm not alone,
but that's my fear.

---

Oooh, very good!

It had a great beat! The only thing that needs to be fixed is the "just" should be taken out after "it," that extra word throws the pace off. >.<

Write more =D

Thanks. :)

I do really love this! each line is short, but gives off much detail to the feeling. I feel as if I read more then what was given, it's a very sad deep poem, gj nutter!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Slave

I do really love this! each line is short, but gives off much detail to the feeling. I feel as if I read more then what was given, it's a very sad deep poem, gj nutter!!!

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I Feel the same way!
I don't listen to poems but i would love to hear more of yours!

I don't write them too often, but I do seem to get some positive reactions to the ones I've had before. :)