Gone
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Gone
unique story but the message isn't very clear, some of the lines seem to be thrown in just for the sake of rhyming and you jump back and forth between past and present tense throughout. a few revisions could improve it greatly.
HAHA like most things it made sense in my head.
I really love this. You told a great story which is something I struggle with when I write. Anything in life only gets better the more you work at it, but this really touched me just the way it is.
