Some advice for me?

Ever since my parents split up when I was seven my mom has been distant from me. She used me when I was little to gt things from my dad and lied to me about comming to get me on holidays. She would chose other kids (her ex-husbands grand kids)over us when she had the chance to spend time with us. THe christmas before (like a week before) we moved 7 states away, she had us for the weekend. Long story short she pushed us out of our bedroom my father made for us to let her other family stay there, we slept on the floor and she spent the weekend with the other kids.

Another christmas she promised (and I for once belived she would keep it) to come and visit us. The day she wwas supposed to leave my dad asks me to call and see when she's leaving. I do and she tell's me some bullshit lie about bills and her ex husband slashing tires and all that junk. (Later I found out she just got a raise and the ex is living a long time away)

Also she would tell anyone that asked about us a bunch of lies and how she's talked to us days before (yea right).


So then a couple of months ago she sends me this letter informing me my dog died and about illnesses that run in the family. She also tries giving "her side" of the story to her and my father's divorce. Basically saying how she really tried to come back and make it work but by that time she relaised my father was gay and it wouldnever happen. Which all of it I don't think I belive because she asked likeshe didn't care to see us cause she had a new life. Then last month for my birthday she sends me her wedding ring to my father and tell's me she's been saving it for me.

So basically I confused as hell about her. I don't know weither to hate her for not being in my life or give her a chance and risk that fact she could be using me again.


The reason I'm actually writing this is cause I had emailed her asking about a saving's bond I had in wich she responds:

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Sure Kasey, I'll be glad to send you your bond, right after i get some recent pics. of you & Tyler(You know, like i've been asking for , for the last two years. Seems like the only time you e-mail me is to tell me what a bad mother I am or when you want something from me.* No matter what you think, I still love you &Ty very much!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Mom

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What do you tell a woman who suddenly thinks now is a good time to talk to you and be your mother.

want to know what i think?
i think this is far too serious of a matter to be discussed on an internet forum, way to many different ways to deal with it that could seriously alter both you and your family's life, and by the looks of the maturity of this is site, your not likely to get much advice besides giving some people a glimpse of what kind of world this can really be.

If you really want advice i suggest to phone a teen help line or contacting a counselor.

but in the end its really just my opinion.

Meh Councelor I don't need I mostly just needed to write that there. *shrugs*

Why don't you try speaking to other family members from both sides about it? They might be able to give you more insight to the whole picture before making such a big decision. Kaleidoscope does have a good point though :)

I can't there is no "family" there's my dad and my "mom" that' it besidaes a brother that takes the moms side a sister that takes the dads and my littlest brother who was too little to know anything.

That's a shame that there is no other family members to speak to about it.
You just need to do what you feel is right in your heart so there are no regrets about whatever decision you make.

One of my best friends has a VERY similar situation with his mother. She's an absolute basket case. Him and I talk about it often, he's 20 now, living semi-on his on (with his girlfriend), and doing very well.

My advice to you, based on a similar situation, is to take it at face value. Don't believe anything she says fool-heartedly. Expect nothing from her. Get everything you have away from her, bond's, no cell phones under her name, car registrations, everything. I don't know how old you are, but try to keep yourself apart from her. Don't distance yourself, don't refuse to see her or send her pictures or whatever...she is still your mother. But don't expect anything from her. She's proven herself to be unreliable, and you're only going to screw yourself later by relying on her. If she says she's going to come for christmas, don't expect her to. Don't be pissed off if she doesn't show, because you didn't expect her to anyway. There's nothing you can do to fix her, because it's not your problem, it's hers and hers alone. Only she can fix it.

43's right, your mother has had all the chances to take an active role in your life and she hasn't been taking them. From my interpretation, your mother is content with her new life, sending you her old wedding ring is a sign that she wants to put the past behind her and focus on what she has now. If she truly wanted to 'make it all work', then she would've made more effort in doing so. Actions speak louder than words.

The further from the eye, the closer to the heart.

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Originally posted by unit_number_43@9 Hours Ago
One of my best friends has a VERY similar situation with his mother. She's an absolute basket case. Him and I talk about it often, he's 20 now, living semi-on his on (with his girlfriend), and doing very well.

My advice to you, based on a similar situation, is to take it at face value. Don't believe anything she says fool-heartedly. Expect nothing from her. Get everything you have away from her, bond's, no cell phones under her name, car registrations, everything. I don't know how old you are, but try to keep yourself apart from her. Don't distance yourself, don't refuse to see her or send her pictures or whatever...she is still your mother. But don't expect anything from her. She's proven herself to be unreliable, and you're only going to screw yourself later by relying on her. If she says she's going to come for christmas, don't expect her to. Don't be pissed off if she doesn't show, because you didn't expect her to anyway. There's nothing you can do to fix her, because it's not your problem, it's hers and hers alone. Only she can fix it.

[snapback]155487[/snapback]

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Couldn't of said it better, 43 are you ever wrong?

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Originally posted by Ben@6 Hours Ago
43 are you ever wrong?

[snapback]155560[/snapback]

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Seconded


Thanks for you advice guys. I'm 17 and support (mostly) myself so there's not really anything she has besides a bond I won when I was 6 months old.

I'm wrong all the time, I'm just alot older than most of you guys, I've experienced more first hand. But thanks for the compliment :)

Angell,

It's important that you don't get angry with her. Expect absolutely nothing, then everything she does for you is a bonus and a surprise. There's something wrong with her, and it's got nothing to do with you. Get yourself out of the crossfire and let her deal with herself.

If you've been screwed over by your mother in the past multiple times, cut her off from your life. Don't let her make you cry over her again.

Send her hatemail by an anonymous e-mail then send her a nice e-mail from your account so as to bitch and still get what you want.

I would like to say im dissapointed. No mother should ever be like that. I would do what 43 said, he's god!

I really don't have any experience in divorce and such. My parents are cool to me and all. They have been married for half their live to eachother. I don't have a clue what it be like to see them break up, devastating to say the least.

I would do whatever 43 told me, if taht included jumping off a cliff, well so be it.

43 is my idol :)


.. but seriously angell.. usually i would just let things like that hang for a bit which is stupid so just tell her straight and don't get mad sorry if i wasn't much help :(

I have told her straight out how I felt she treated us. That's the email she refers to as me "telling her how much of a bad mother she is."

See my real out look on my "mother" is that while she did give me birth (which my 16th birthday she totally for got, 4 months later I got a card) she wasn't there for me growing up. While I really yearn for her to want to be my mom, I know deep down that there is something wrong with her. I do try to not put so much belief and faith into the fact she will do what she says, but it's hard because at the same time I want to believe there is good in her and that one day she'll do what she says. My father raised me to look for the good in people so it's hard to just not totally take to heart what she says. I do try and not believe her.

I only speak to her in occasional emails or (very rarely) phone calls. I don't even see her since I live in Florida and she in Pennsylvania. Currently I'm debating on telling her that my father has plans on us going up to Pennsylvania for the summer. If I do it would give me a chance to see her. I'm just not sure if I can.