Some advice for me?

[Angell]

Ever since my parents split up when I was seven my mom has been distant from me. She used me when I was little to gt things from my dad and lied to me about comming to get me on holidays. She would chose other kids (her ex-husbands grand kids)over us when she had the chance to spend time with us. THe christmas before (like a week before) we moved 7 states away, she had us for the weekend. Long story short she pushed us out of our bedroom my father made for us to let her other family stay there, we slept on the floor and she spent the weekend with the other kids.

Another christmas she promised (and I for once belived she would keep it) to come and visit us. The day she wwas supposed to leave my dad asks me to call and see when she's leaving. I do and she tell's me some bullshit lie about bills and her ex husband slashing tires and all that junk. (Later I found out she just got a raise and the ex is living a long time away)

Also she would tell anyone that asked about us a bunch of lies and how she's talked to us days before (yea right).


So then a couple of months ago she sends me this letter informing me my dog died and about illnesses that run in the family. She also tries giving "her side" of the story to her and my father's divorce. Basically saying how she really tried to come back and make it work but by that time she relaised my father was gay and it wouldnever happen. Which all of it I don't think I belive because she asked likeshe didn't care to see us cause she had a new life. Then last month for my birthday she sends me her wedding ring to my father and tell's me she's been saving it for me.

So basically I confused as hell about her. I don't know weither to hate her for not being in my life or give her a chance and risk that fact she could be using me again.


The reason I'm actually writing this is cause I had emailed her asking about a saving's bond I had in wich she responds:

Sure Kasey, I'll be glad to send you your bond, right after i get some recent pics. of you & Tyler(You know, like i've been asking for , for the last two years. Seems like the only time you e-mail me is to tell me what a bad mother I am or when you want something from me.* No matter what you think, I still love you &Ty very much!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Mom

What do you tell a woman who suddenly thinks now is a good time to talk to you and be your mother.

[Krimsyn]

want to know what i think?
i think this is far too serious of a matter to be discussed on an internet forum, way to many different ways to deal with it that could seriously alter both you and your family's life, and by the looks of the maturity of this is site, your not likely to get much advice besides giving some people a glimpse of what kind of world this can really be.

If you really want advice i suggest to phone a teen help line or contacting a counselor.

but in the end its really just my opinion.

[Angell]

Meh Councelor I don't need I mostly just needed to write that there. *shrugs*

[Tweak]

Why don't you try speaking to other family members from both sides about it? They might be able to give you more insight to the whole picture before making such a big decision. Kaleidoscope does have a good point though

[Angell]

I can't there is no "family" there's my dad and my "mom" that' it besidaes a brother that takes the moms side a sister that takes the dads and my littlest brother who was too little to know anything.

[Tweak]

That's a shame that there is no other family members to speak to about it.
You just need to do what you feel is right in your heart so there are no regrets about whatever decision you make.

[unit_number_43]

One of my best friends has a VERY similar situation with his mother. She's an absolute basket case. Him and I talk about it often, he's 20 now, living semi-on his on (with his girlfriend), and doing very well.

My advice to you, based on a similar situation, is to take it at face value. Don't believe anything she says fool-heartedly. Expect nothing from her. Get everything you have away from her, bond's, no cell phones under her name, car registrations, everything. I don't know how old you are, but try to keep yourself apart from her. Don't distance yourself, don't refuse to see her or send her pictures or whatever...she is still your mother. But don't expect anything from her. She's proven herself to be unreliable, and you're only going to screw yourself later by relying on her. If she says she's going to come for christmas, don't expect her to. Don't be pissed off if she doesn't show, because you didn't expect her to anyway. There's nothing you can do to fix her, because it's not your problem, it's hers and hers alone. Only she can fix it.

[carrotderek]

43's right, your mother has had all the chances to take an active role in your life and she hasn't been taking them. From my interpretation, your mother is content with her new life, sending you her old wedding ring is a sign that she wants to put the past behind her and focus on what she has now. If she truly wanted to 'make it all work', then she would've made more effort in doing so. Actions speak louder than words.

[Shamino]

The further from the eye, the closer to the heart.

[Ben]

Originally posted by unit_number_43@9 Hours Ago
One of my best friends has a VERY similar situation with his mother. She's an absolute basket case. Him and I talk about it often, he's 20 now, living semi-on his on (with his girlfriend), and doing very well.

My advice to you, based on a similar situation, is to take it at face value. Don't believe anything she says fool-heartedly. Expect nothing from her. Get everything you have away from her, bond's, no cell phones under her name, car registrations, everything. I don't know how old you are, but try to keep yourself apart from her. Don't distance yourself, don't refuse to see her or send her pictures or whatever...she is still your mother. But don't expect anything from her. She's proven herself to be unreliable, and you're only going to screw yourself later by relying on her. If she says she's going to come for christmas, don't expect her to. Don't be pissed off if she doesn't show, because you didn't expect her to anyway. There's nothing you can do to fix her, because it's not your problem, it's hers and hers alone. Only she can fix it.

[snapback]155487[/snapback]

Couldn't of said it better, 43 are you ever wrong?