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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    St. Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    352

    Default

    I’m dead, I’m sleeping.

    In the shadows you can find me creeping.

    Twisted halls, Lifeless falls.

    Blackened holes, A single rose.

    Decaying corpse, Ground shrivels, quakes, warps.

    Vision torn, Wake up screaming.

    Life reborn, Now I’m dreaming.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    INSIDE BFG'S HOUSE.
    Posts
    1,132

    Default



    great job.

    B)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    St. Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    352

    Default

    Thanks Sp0rk-eh ....any thing you didnt like? any comments? anything? ANYTHING AT ALL. CMON WOMAN. THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME. AHHHHHHHHHHH.....MEOW

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    149

    Default

    It sounds like a nursery rhyme XD

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    St. Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    352

    Default

    Originally posted by xane@15 Minutes Ago
    It sounds like a nursery rhyme XD
    [snapback]119498[/snapback]
    what kind of eff'd up parent would read this to their kid? would you? cuz i wouldnt. or would i?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    149

    Default

    I was just trying to say i thought it rhymed alot. Thats all, but other than that I like it.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    INSIDE BFG'S HOUSE.
    Posts
    1,132

    Default

    i'd read it to my kid...

    Broaden their horizons.

    As you can tell, i never plan on having children...

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Iowa
    Posts
    1,321

    Default

    good job man sounds sweet! i'd read it to my kids lol.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    St. Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    352

    Default

    Originally posted by xane@38 Minutes Ago
    I was just trying to say i thought it rhymed alot. Thats all, but other than that I like it.
    [snapback]119509[/snapback]

    What ever do you mean?
    I can’t believe what i have seen,
    are you trying to say you don't like rhyming.
    If it’s true i will start crying.
    Watery eyes, boogie filled nose.
    your sense of rhythm really blows!

    haha....wow......

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Fort Wayne, Indiana
    Posts
    7,057

    Default

    Great form. The first and last lines ryhme, yet all the lines whith each other. Good form!

    Very well planned, and thought enhanced. I really like this alot. Good work dan.

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