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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    5

    Default

    Charles Sven, Private First Class,
    17th Division, Canadian Corps

    As the Sky Bleeds

    The bite of the morning rips the words from our lips,
    As the mist and fog roll in to obscure our view.
    The sea hungers, the beach roars,
    As the sky bleeds.

    Chaos reigns supreme as the mandibles of death enclose us,
    The ever tightening fist of the heavens scattering the flock.
    A rain of blood sprays us all, breaking the minds of many,
    As the sky bleeds.

    The instrument of death keeps the pace,
    Life ends quickly to the beat of worms,
    The symphonic choir rend the air with their screams,
    No mercy is granted, their blood will coat my body,
    As the sky bleeds.

    Fear crosses their eyes as my fingers are my weapons,
    The feel of their throats ripping empowers me.
    There is no greater instrument then I,
    As the sky bleeds.

    Bodies become my shield, and my anger; my blade.
    The vengence shall be mine, their souls immortal,
    All shall fall beneath my blade,
    As the sky bleeds.

    Its tune becomes a waltz of destruction,
    His partners become His shields.
    Melodic wails of death enlighten His soul,
    For He is the Unholy, the Unstoppable, basking in their cries,
    As the sky bleeds.

    Walls of metal slugs pierce His body,
    But there shall not be Repentance.
    The Beast shall have his Fill,
    Cost to body and cost to soul,
    His body bursts into a magnificient flame,
    As the sky bleeds.

    The Light has faltered,
    His soul is Mine.
    Their Cries fill my ears,
    I cut the Sky.

    My blade shatters His life.
    My body consumes His soul.

    I am no longer Charles.
    I am united with Him.

    I am He.

    Satan.

    We are the dead, our shrieks unheard.
    This is our plea.
    This is the cost of war.
    This is my soul, pouring over the world.

    As the sky bleeds.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    australia
    Posts
    667

    Default

    nice work quiet superb, especially like the use of repetition

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    34

    Default

    Beautifully written, and a nice metiphorical message of how Satan is present in all wars. Very well done.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    299

    Default

    v nice one m8, i like the vague, uncertain feeling you produced in this poem, well done

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    5

    Default

    Yo all, thanks for the support. Im definatly open to interpretations, as its awesome hearing what my work inspires in people. What did you envision? what did you see? What did you find yourself feeling?
    Could you touch upon his madness, draw upon the power that He gave you?
    Could you feel the soldiers agony etch itself on your mind?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    NSW, Australia
    Posts
    3,262

    Default

    nice work quiet superb, especially like the use of repetition
    [/b]
    Year 8 English Poetry strikes again.










    Real nice poem man, you can tell that you've put a LOT of thought into this. Bravo.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    5

    Default

    Yeah man, its weird when I'm truly writing like I did this, the words just come to you, flowing from your fingers.
    Its not the thought that goes into it, its the soul.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Singer Island, FL
    Posts
    5,206

    Default

    Very nice

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