Your Corrosive Smile

[cC.ShorterGFX]

Didn't spend much tim eon this one. Just wrote it based on something which happened recently.

Your Corrosive Smile

Your smile is corrosive,

It burns through my suffering soul.

It seems almost explosive,

Depriving life from us all

Simple yet confusing,

It matters not.

Am I for loving? Or for using?

If love, it’s all I’ve got

You’re all that I care for,

You’re all that need.

Without you I’m nothing,

But if I’m just for using, there’s no chance we’ll succeed.

[Takken]

Nice lyrics but in terms of structure, its a bit inconsistent from my view. Needs to flow better.

I liked the concept mate

[Gaaf]

thats some deep stuff man.
i like it.

[kidmed]

Just realized 'soul' rhymes with 'all' if you're speaking with an English accent =P

Imo the 2 lines "Simple yet confusing, It matters not" feels like a break in the poem.