Improvements ?

[weesstt]

Did this for a SOTW on another forum, what could I have done better ?

[wKK]

everything

[weesstt]

everything

be a little more specific and don't a complete douche ?

[Provided]

I would advise you to have a look at the tutorials here. The work above misses some basic aspects, which are best taught by watching how and why other ppl do stuff and trying to recreate them. You should get it down in no time and you'll be amazed at how much you have improved once you do.
Also don't take this the wrong way, we all have to start somewhere