Im here to tell a joke

[weasel]

An agnostic dyslexic insomniac lays awake at night questioning the existance of dog.

[MetalSkin]

lol lol... i like it illegalx17... very my kind of joke.

Q. How do NewZelanders find sheep in long grass?

A. Very very nice.

in NZ, they have a ratio of about 15 sheep to every person

[Dick]

i didnt get this one

[weasel]

Two girls, a blonde and a brunette. They are about to rob a bank. The brunette says, "Are you sure you know what to do?" The blonde confirms yes. About 10 mins later the blonde bursts out of the bank, dragging the safe that is tied to a rope. The security guard runs out after her with his pants down. As the girls drive away, the brunette says, "You idiot! I said TIE UP the SECURITY GUARD and BLOW the SAFE!"

[Illegalx17]

oo oo i have a joke!

An irish man walks out of a pub of his own free will. . .

[MetalSkin]

lol... nice.

An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain".

"That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".

The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out".

The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!"

[Illegalx17]

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH that one is freakin awesome! Nice!

[ilovecoheed]

Q. what's hellen keller's dog's name?
A. Rowughaahr

lol that's fucked up

Q. Did you know hellen keller had a tree house?

*person says no*

A. Neither did she.

[weasel]

Originally posted by ilovecoheed@9 Minutes Ago
Q. what's hellen keller's dog's name?
A. Rowughaahr

lol that's fucked up

Q. Did you know hellen keller had a tree house?

*person says no*

A. Neither did she.

[snapback]111047[/snapback]

^^WTF?!

Here is the worst joke yet.

Q. What goes 99, clunk...99, clunk?

A. A centipide with a wooden leg!

[MetalSkin]

A passenger plane traveling to California is suddenly hit with a severe engine problem and plummets into the Pacific Ocean.

The impact is such that the plane is ripped apart leaving only one man alive. After hours of swimming he spies an island and drags himself up onto the sandy shores.

Though he is half drowned and aware that he is thousands of miles from home, he cannot but admire the beauty of the island he has found himself on. Looking down the beach he sees a figure lying on the beach, another survivor from the crash. He runs over and sees that she is not breathing, so quickly he gives her the kiss of life. After several attempts she coughs into life. As she wipes the hair from her face he now can see who it is...its Kylie Minogue!

Forever grateful to him for saving her life, they strike up an immediate bond, and over the following weeks, while stranded on the island, they fall madly in love. One day Kylie is walking down the beach and notices her new found love sitting on the rocks by the beach, staring out to sea, with a look of sorrow on his face.

She wanders over to him, and asks what is wrong. "Kylie," he says, "The last few weeks have been the greatest of my life. We've found this island paradise. We have all the food and water we could require, and I have you, but still I can't help feeling there's something missing."

Kylie replies: "What my darling? What is it that you need? I'll do anything".

"Well there is one thing. Would you mind putting on my shirt?"

"Ok"

"And my trousers?"

"Ok"

At this point he gets up and grabs some charcoal from the ground, and draws a neat moustache on her lips. "OK... Can you start to walk around the island, and I'll set off the other way and meet you half way."

"Okay dear, whatever will make you happy?"

So off they set. After an hour walking he eventually sees her heading towards him along the beach, at which point he breaks into a sprint, runs up to her, grabs her by the shoulders and shouts:

"Hey mate, you won't believe who I'm shagging'"