To me, no it doesn't improve, at least not the right hand side, you might be able to get it to work on the left since it goes with the flow, at least in my opinion.

I'd start with reducing your canvas by at least 1/4-1/3 in width and offset the render some to either side of the center, then work from there.

You have created a nice ambient lighting feel to it to start, keep working on it and I think this one can be very nice.