I think this is a very good piece. You've managed to get your point accross while using good vocabulary and techniques. However, as already said, I've spotted misuse of words and spelling mistakes but they can be corrected. The only real critism i have for you is that there is no punctuation at the end of each line. I suggest you use enjambent in order to control the pace of the poem since the irregular rhyme scheme you have used confuses how it's read.
But overall, nice descriptive language and technique. Kiu!