The second version is definitely better but the BIGGEST problem here is your lighting.

First off, avoid lighting coming from the side, it does not look natural or right and therefore loses the appeal of the tag. Try to get it from behind or the corners. Below could work out some times but it seems hard to do lighting below and execute it right.

Not to be rude, but you basically just soft brushed the right, DON'T DO THAT !
Try to create your lighting based on your allignment of effects and adjustments used.
Burn/dodge areas to correct it.

The typography could also go because it is very distracting.
It also needs stronger colors, which I believe with proper lighting would help that.

Kiu !