Conflict

[robgasm]

http://www.deviantart.com/view/20303777/

its a dA link cause:

its easier to show the poem, says the poem underneath the preveiw pic
its a big pic

[MartinBabies]

I think that making it rhyme ruins everything. A poem doesn't need to rhyme, and the poems that doesn't can often be better since the author had more freedom while writing, instead of limit himself to rhymes.
Also, you're a bit too pushy with your expressions. You should use more metaphores. If you read good song lyrics, you find that they use alot metaphores, and you can still understand the meaning.
I think it's good of you to submit a poem though.

[robgasm]

yeah, im not good with metaphores in poems.. and it had to rhyme :/

[MartinBabies]

Ah, stupid school thing. :P
Teachers believe that a poem MUST rhyme, gaah!

[robgasm]

i know, but then, what defines a non rhyming poem, with no syllable pattern from a pice of prose

got ya there

oh, and its kinda ironic, how i submitted this, just after the bombings...

and im makign the image into a wp

[PenguinElitist]

The poem's not bad... a little short maybe. The gun's cool though, did you add the blood in?

[robgasm]

yes, gun was stock

i know its short, but its too the point, and im not too good at long poems

[Unforgotten]

Poems not that bad, i havent had to write a poem in school for a couple of years but last one i did we were told it "HAD" to rhyme i thinks its annoying, really restricts you. And i like the pic of the gun aswell, but i IMO the blood is a bit off perspective with the gun, mainly the shiny bit of the blood.

[robgasm]

yeah, thats kinda bad


anyway, im not too bothered wether the poem is that good, i did it for a reason, and thats what i think is good

[Unforgotten]

i agree with you there db, it was a nice idea to dedicate the poem to the events 2day.